Wondering why I have this title? Well, let's get on with this post.
As a third year Engineering student, I have experienced a lot of hardships and blood-draining obstacles. I may be exaggerated, but I feel it that way. I have been struggling ever since I was in high school with my indecisiveness. I feel that until now, I have not yet overcome this negative side of mine. I know that I am not being pressured by my parents, but it is I who pressure myself. Whenever I think about my future, I keep on asking myself, "What will I do if I fail? What will happen to my parents' trust to me if I fail?". Being a negative thinker stress me a lot. I know I have not been doing my best ever since I entered College. I often rely to others, and disregard my ability to help and strengthen myself.
They say that I am a good adviser, a walking diary, and a very good listener. Well most people in my class open up to me. I want to help them, even in just a very small way. But why can't I help myself? I make myself believe that I can do it if I just wanted to.
Right now, I really want to stay in Engineering. But how can I when I can't even help myself?
Many people say that I am always happy, and I don't look like I have a problem. Every morning, I start my day right. I always end up smiling no matter what. Even with swollen eyes, I can still laugh. Even with a broken heart, I can simply put on a mask and decieve everybody. Why? I don't want people pestering why I am sad. I hate it when they try to comfort me. I just get more and more miserable. I just want to be happy and make other people happy, not to make them worry and sad too. I love all the people that understands and accepts me for who and what I really am. I may be a stubborn girl, but once you know me, I can make you feel happy and worthy of your existence.
Every person that tries to hurt and bully me, I just smile them off. I want to show them how life can be positive with a given obstacle. Well I admit that sometimes I get insulted and hurt and end up getting angry, but what good could that do? I calm myself down in just a few seconds and smile again.
I want to have many good and real friends. I don't care what race, attitude they can show off. I just want them to accept me. It doesn't matter how many I meet, and just leave me as long as there is always someone who stays by my side.
I just want to thank everyone who listened and stayed by me. I'm grateful to have such wonderful friends. I hope that someday, or maybe one day, or well.. yeah.. I hope that day would come sooner that I can decide practically and honestly, not because other people wanted to, but it is what I really want.
Lesson learned: Always follow what you want. But take note, take others' feelings as well for consideration. Let us not be selfish and think only of ourselves. Doing what we want is of no use if we hurt somebody. But as for me, the happiness of my love ones is the best. Let us make good decisions, with no regrets in the end.
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